kafele..the only blog worth dying for

The Blog is Back

2012-01-01T22:35:00.000-08:00

After months of slacking...I am back with the blog (or so I hope). I apologize that I've been spending way more time on facebook and twitter, but I need to get back to my blogs. So I'm going to...not that I have anything to write today since I pretty much slept most of the day away. But hey, it's my almost last day of vacation and I like sleeping. YES I DO!

But I did accomplish some things today including:

Finishing my thank you gifts for AIDS WALK 2011
Cooked dinner!
Remained under my caloric intake for the day
Wrote a blog

2012...work it (already)

School Daze

2011-09-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

ugh. i'm supposed to be working on a paper and I cannot focus. grrrr.

i've decided that I have to write something so this is better than nothing (especially since i've been quite the blog slacker in the last year).

my paper is a critique of a student development theory. i've chosen sanford. for those of you in student affairs, you're nodding. for those who aren't, this is not sanford.

if my professor doesn't approve sanford, i'm going to go with cass.

or perhaps, Gilligan...

iTunes Playlist

2011-09-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

I think everyone should have a playlist called "Songs I Would Perform to If I Was a Drag Queen"

My first five songs would include:

Celine Dion "It's All Coming Back to Me"

Madonna "Express Yourself"

Tina Turner "We Don't Need Another Hero" (and yes I'm wearing the horns)

Lady Gaga F. Beyonce - "Telephone" cause everyone needs a friend!

Mercedes & Santana - River Deep, Mountain High (notice this song has also been epicly performed by both Tina and Celine, but can't repeat).

Ruining the Magic

2011-09-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

The worst thing about living in Southern California (specifically in LA) is that you know when they are lying in television. And while I know it's all a big lie...you know when they are lying without even trying. Case in point, I've been watching Weeds (Season 1 - 6). And oooh they be cheatin' like a motha! And blantant LIES/Type Cheating. For example I've seen:

Manhattan Beach as San Diego
Hollywood and Highland (a major tourist attraction) as another San Diego Mall
The Ontario Airport as Detroit (um, no Carl's Jr. in Detroit - although I think Hardees is like Carl's Junior...but I know it's a Carl's Jr)
The college where Nancy sold Weed in Season 1 is the same college that Silas visited in Seattle.

It's starting to bug me and it's a bit outrageous. That being said, I'm off to watch Season 7.

It's a Good Day When you Can Incorporate Justice League and Care Bears Into a Presentation

2011-08-31T19:10:00.001-07:00

I started out by talking about the seven distinct positions we have on-campus. Using letters in each position title, I then spelled out ONE TEAM.

I transitioned by saying that the seven positions in our team each play a vital role and remind me of another group. And I showed this video

I went through the heros starting with Supes, and how he's all powerful right, always gotta be him? Wrong, even he has weakness. Kyptonite, non-Yellow Suns, Lois Lane being tossed off buildings. Similar stories about Batman and his lack of superhuman ability and his ability to use his mind (and money to solve problems).

Then we discussed characteristics of a good team focusing on that we need many folk to do it (because if one group could, we wouldn't have created the other positions)

The next topic o' discussion was about challenges to teamwork and how to overcome them as a group.

And then we wrapped up with a rousing rejoicing of the values and benefits of working as a team including a sing-a-long

Then we were done!

Do this, not that

2011-08-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

There are about 15 things I don't want to do right now. And in no order they are:

Clean my house before the housekeeper comes
Choose a thematic group for my dissertation
Read for class
Go to bed by 11 pm
Get the laundry out of the dryer

What I do want to do right now is:

Go watch Season 5, Disk 2 of Weeds
See if I can eat $9.99 worth of McNuggets at McDonald's

I also don't want to:

Figure out what I'm wearing to work tomorrow
Write my To Do List
Start reading "The Help"
Go through the seven weeks of newspapers and cut coupons

I do want to:

Turn on the AC cause it's getting hot in here.
Pay my gas bill that's $8 instead of my normal waiting until it gets to $25.
Make a dollar out of .15 cents
Start writing my daily blog again.

New York Rocks

2011-07-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am quite pleased to be a New Yorker today (although I live in California...I'm still a NYer dammit). Not only did I get the best birthday present of being granted the right to marry in my home state, I also got to go see Britney in concert . June 24th (as I have known for many years) is the greatest day ever!

July 24 is also awesome...because today is the day that people all over New York will be able to get married. Marriage equality is freaking awesome.

Now anyone who knows me knows I LOVE WEDDINGS. I don't know why...I just do. Simply, it is a time for two people to profess their eternal love in front of their family and friends. Whether the wedding be big, small, local or destination, what really matters is that two people have decided to join forces and become a team. Contrary to popular belief and in defiance of math, they do not become one.

So I raise a glass to all my bitches in NY! Congratulations on your awesome day!

NERD!

2011-07-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm about to bring up some old shit right about now. When I was younger, I...was a nerd. Now I know this shocks many of you because how could this sexy, fine piece of chocolate you see before you now have been a nerd? Well I was. I wore glasses, I liked to read (books, comics), I spoke the White Man's English and I hated sports (also note I hate the Oxford comma--see...nerd, but not that nerdy as I over use the ellipses.)

My friends did a panel at Comic Con yesterday called Geek Ed: Bringing the Geek back to Higher Education. It was AWESOME. Packed room, people stayed around after. It was all around awesome!

One of the questions at the end of the panel was which Star Trek Captain was your favorite. Well um...how about all. This isn't some Cosmic Level Sophie's Choice! Although when The Next Generation came out, I was an original purist and wrote a screenplay where the original cast did battle with their new counterparts. I'm sure it was craptastic, but leave me alone I was 12...ish.

That being said...I love all My Captains.

Kirk - He's the original. Bad ass, Fire phasers first, ask questions later. Boldly going where no one had gone before. And thanks to Generations, I'm able to bastardize the line "Don't you lecture me about (whatever), I was out doing (whatever) when you're granddaddy was still in diapers." -- awesome.

Picard - I do admire his leadership style. Great delegator, diplomatic, French with an English accent. AND he was in First Contact. The Greatest Star Trek Movie...EVER (Suck it Reboot!). Oh and he whipped out the Captain's jacket for a season when he was like, y'all need to re-design these damn jump suits.

Sisko - Ah Benjamin. First -- why'd he have to be a Commander! Dang, but eventually he made it to Captain. And shaved his head and got the goatee that I'd been waiting YEARS for! Hardest job ever. Federation Cap'n on a Kardashian Ship orbiting Bajor and protecting a worm hole full of Changlings and their bad ass Jem'hadar Bodyguards. Even in the 24th Century, the black man can't get a break. Damn. What I truly appreciated about Ben was his relationship with Jake. Loved that (hated Jake's jumpsuits...poor Ciroc Lofton).

Janeway - First I love Kate Mulgrew. Squealed when she replaced Genevieve Buljord. What I adored about her was her ability to show both strength and compassion. And Lord help you if Voyager got attacked enough for her bun to come apart.

Archer - Additionally...love me some Scott Bakula. He has the hardest job of all. First Captain (ever). No shields, but oooh armored plateing. And he had to wear a jump suit too, although I'm sure it was more exciting than the having to wear the same outfit for seven seasons. A little bit of Kirk, a little Picard, he held on as long as he could. I tip my hat to you sir!

**Please note that I know it's Cardassian, but Kardashian is funny.**

Donald Chump - No Friend of the Blacks

2011-04-15T01:23:00.000-07:00

Donald Trump has announced that he has a great relationships with "The Blacks"! Well Donald, hate to be the one to tell you, but we don't like to be called "The Blacks". Kinda still feels racists to us**and I am speaking for all Black folk by the rights given to me by Article 14, Section 7 of the Black People Code**. And while it's sometimes fine to call gays...THE GAYS...you don't have a good relationship with us (and by us, I mean the Gays, not THE BLACKS...although you still can't call us that (and by us I mean THE BLACKS not THE GAYS....see this is why multiple identities gets confusing for some folk). And here's some proof as to why you don't have a good relationship with us. (5) You're a birther. And if you knew anything about Black People, you'd know we resolve all our birth issues on Maury. (4) I still don't see a Trump building in Harlem (3) There is no way in Hell you're friends with a black person with that freakin' hair. A sista would have hooked you up with a nice lace front and a brotha would have introduced you to a barber to give you a nice Michael Jordan look. You could rock a baldy! (2) You're in a fued with Bill Cosby! He did the Cosby Show. You did Marla Maples. Step off! (1) You didn't hire Kwame. Educated Black Man didn't get the job AND at the same time you unleashed Omarosa on the world. Nah dude, you still gotta pay for that. Oooh and you didn't hire Holly Robinson Peete either. And now I'm REALLY not watching The Celebrity Apprentice anymore.

Committed Relationship

2011-03-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

This is an old blog that I apparently started writing but never posted...

I have been in a happy and committed relationship for the last year...with my hairstylist. It's been a good run despite the fact that my hair takes FOREVER to grow. But today, someone tried to get at me.

I was at the gas station and this guy started to approach me. Now my spidey sense was all tingling and I was like...if he tries to sell me some bootleg DVDs it's on! But then he was like "hey I work up at the barbershop around the corner and I do locs. So if you wanna get hooked up, come on by."

Now mind you, my hair is looking a little rough (but I got an appointment tomorrow). And true I'm in a long distance hair relationship. But I'm happy with my stylist.

How is someone just gonna come up and try and take me from my stylist? Just wrong. I am not that kind of guy. And besides, he wasn't cute. LOL.

Food

2011-03-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

One of these days I will figure out how I'm the fattest person who never finishes all the food he buys! I got a box of cereal for my trip here and clearly i'm not eating it fast enough. It also doesn't help that the hotel has the smallest freaking bowls known to man. It's time to start eating out of the pots.

I didn't think I bought that much. Sierra Mist, Apple Juice and some milk. A box of cereal, salsa and Tositos. I could get rid of that in three days right?

Real Sugar

2011-03-04T21:08:00.000-08:00

I'm drinking Sierra Mist (with real Sugar). And it kinda has a weird, funny taste to it. The same thing happened when I was in the Domincan Republic when I had their soda, also made with real sugar. And this makes me think, if this is real sugar and this is how it tastes...what the HELL are we drinking when we have whatever kind of sugar is in our regular soda?!?!?!?! This is scaring me. Not to mention that now I have a whole 2 liters of this nasty mess to finish.

Holiday Series

2010-12-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

I'm devoting this month's Blog to awareness of some of the other celebrations that are taking place during this Holiday season...Since tonight starts the first day of Chanukah, here's one of my favorite episodes of Friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m7W5O_ZGYA

Sadly, it lacks an embed code. Boo.

If Joss had written a book, this would never have happened

2010-11-25T19:59:00.001-08:00

The Buffyverse is in an uproar about the recent news of a Buffy Reboot...without the input or participation of Joss Whedon. First, let me emphatically say that THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer...was genius. Pure and simple. Smart, snarky, satirical and symbolic. One of my favorite shows ever and thanks to Logo...ALWAYS ON.

Buffy was the glue that kept me together. Joss Whedon is the coolest (although I do confuse my love for him with my love for JJ Abrams so if I blame Joss for Lost, just go with it -- but it will work later trust me). Sarah Michelle Gellar will always have a place in my heart for being kick ass and spawning my love for three named women (i.e. Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dame Judi Dench).

But here is the sucky part of reality...there's not a lot you can do about it. Why, cause while we see Buffy as being Joss's baby...alas she ain't. Sucky little thing about rights in Hollywood. Screenwriters are not the owners of their ideas, the studio is. Does it suck, yes it does. Now before you get your wizarding panties in a bunch or say this sucks more than Jasper before he became a Cullen, note...JK Rowling and Stephanie Meyer are the authors of their characters and thus retain the rights to them. Ah intellectual property laws. It's not right, but it's ok.

But have heart...Hollywood has done this before with varied levels of success, for with every Batman Begins, there is a Superman Returns. For every Spider-Man there is an X-Men: The Last Stand. These iconic characters have been retooled, rebooted and retold countless times. They've been animated, live-action-ed, comedy-ed, drama'd, graphic novel-ed and video gamed. But for everyone of them, there is Wonder Woman that has been in development hell for decades. So just cause it's announced doesn't mean it's going to happen.

And if you feel bad for SMG, just imagine how Kristy Swanson feels. :)

Burlesque

2010-11-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Burlesque is like a friend's Holiday Party. You're excited to go because you love the people throwing the party (Cher, Christina Aguilera and Stanley Tucci), there's a really hot guy who you have a total crush on (Cam Gigandet), your favorite gay who is only there for like two seconds (Alan Cumming), the girl you used to love who is now a total bitch (Kristen Bell - but only in this role) and someone you spent two hours with before you remembered where you know her from (Julianne Hough). It's not a bad way to spend the night, but it could have been much much better (and significantly worse)

The music is great. The dance numbers are amazing. The story needed some work (and by work I mean the level of which makes Cher look amazing at 65). It's your basic girl from small town wants to make it big in Hollywood who has a hidden talent that helps save the club from total despair right in the nick of time.

The hard sell is it's not as visually stunning or musically entertaining as Chicago and is not so bad that it's good like Showgirls. And mind you Showgirls is only as good as your ability to mock it. Burlesque is really like an ok episode of Glee. But there is hope for Burlesque 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Casting: A
Script: C
Fabulousness: B+
Adjust for: Christina's bangs, Objectification of Cam Gigandet, guyliner.

Total Score: B -

Mid-week holidays

2010-11-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

I love a federal holiday as much as the next guy. I don't want to go to work or to the bank and I don't need my mail.

The only thing that SUCKS is when the holiday moves. Some holidays are nice and semi-static..Martin Luther King's Birthday, Memorial Day and Labor Day. Always on a specific Monday of the month.

Then you have the floaters...New Year's Day, Independence Day, Veterans' Day and Christmas. Ugh. These days are fine when they're on a Monday or Friday. But when they fall on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday...damn damn damn.

Tuesday and Thursday are fine if you have vacation days cause you just make a long weekend. But what the hell can you do with a Wednesday? That's two - four vacation days you'd have to use.

I think effective immediately, all holidays have to fall on a Monday or Friday. But if its on Wednesday, you get to use a sick day as a vacation day.

Khalfani for President 2016

Road Hazard

2010-09-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

I don't have as many irrational driving fears as my mother. She refuses to make right turns unless they are at a traffic light, she swears up and down that black ice is always lurking and has not worked or driven outside of a five mile radius for work in the last 20 years.

One of the fears I did get was of flying bags on the freeway. This is a random piece of bag debris that floats and flitters threatening to get caught on your windshield, on under the car or rolls up into your tire.

In my irrational world, the bag would get caught under my car and then go into the catalytic converter or something and catch my car on fire!

This is what my mother has done to me.

McSadWrap

2010-09-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

I have been depressed for the last month since McDonald's got rid of the MacSnack Wrap. I know I'm the only person in America that like it apparently, but dammit I did my best to buy as many as I could.

Maybe I'll start making them at home for myself. OK, no I won't.

Don't let the bed bugs bite

2010-08-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, we used to have a little saying before we went to bed.

Sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
And if they do, call Chicken De-light.

Even as a kid, my smart ass remark was "What's their number?"

As we have a recent rash of bed bugs in the United States, I thought I'd share this crazy ass video.

I Ain't Movin'

2010-07-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

Ah Des'ree. Although her song has significantly more relevance than my trivial blog it does work for my random pop culture references.

This blog is in reference to helping people move. For the record, I am not going to help you move. I know it sounds harsh, but really. I'm not going to do it. And here's why...

In the year 2000 I exercised approximately 12 moves. And most of them I did by myself. And for that I say...No more. Not gonna do it. I'm done.

I spent so much time at Uhaul in 2000 that I actually made friends with the staff (Hey Kevin).

And besides, I sweat easily and that's not cute cause it will mess up my hair.

I know it is expensive to move, but that's why we have jobs. To pay people to do it. And that person is not going to bed. Nope. It's not.

JAKuho Annual Conference and Exposition 2010

2010-07-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

It was decided last summer that WACUHO would not go to Hawaii for their 2010 Annual Conference and Exposition. Instead, the ACE was held at Stanford University and the conference was amazing (and not just because I helped plan it, but that's really what made it amazing).

Still wanting to go to Hawaii, my colleagues James and Audrey created a new organization called James, Audrey & Kafele -- University Housing Officers (aka JAKUHO) and we decided to have our own conference.

It was hosted at the beautiful JW Marriott Ihilani Ko Olina

It included a lovely opening reception (@ the Hale Koa)

Our keynote speaker focused on the richness of diversity among our students

And of course there was the Exhibits Fair

And night on the town

Oh yeah...and we went to sessions

and could view the program booklet on our smartphones

We didn't have karaoke, but there was Poke. But I didn't get a picture of that. We also didn't have a New Pros Hot Tub because hot tubs are gross. Please see my previous blog on hot tubs

And we didn't have to stay at Tim Trevan's Rat Motel.

It was a great conference and we got all 5's on our evaluations. YAY us.

I'm Getting Married

2010-07-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

I've decided to get married in Argentina or Iceland. Although Argentina is winning because:

A) I cannot spell Reykjavik to save my life (totally looked it up...cut and paste)
B) I can make a significantly better entrance from a balcony
C) And I'll get to Tango with a dude, which I guess I'll either call a Mango or a TaMango.

Iceland would be hot because if we get married at the right time of year we only have 3 hours of the sun being set. How hot would it be to have an evening wedding and the sun is still out!!!!!!!! Really hot. So I'm starting to plan the date. There just one thing I'm forgetting.

Oh yeah...I don't have anyone to marry yet. Damn.

Quick Updates.....

2010-07-14T23:35:00.001-07:00

I've been blogging less and less since I'm spending all my time on Facebook and Foursquare. So I figured I'd just update y'all with a few things..

I need to stay off the internet. Larry Hagman was a trending topic and I thought he died. He's alive, he's just pushing solar energy.
I now remember why I didn't want to move to Riverside. It was 103 degrees today. I had to put a brochure on the armrest so I wouldn't burn my elbows. Life shouldn't be that hot.
Panda Express duped me with their free Thai Cashew chicken. That's all you get. A little box of cashew chicken. No rice. Just chicken. I took a principled stance and just got the chicken. Nothing else. I then spilled sauce on my shirt. Kafele 0. Universe 1

Graduation Cliche # 4

2010-05-06T02:58:00.000-07:00

You have the rest of your life ahead of you...

Really? And to think I was under the impression that I had all of my life behind me.

Graduation Cliche # 3

2010-05-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Many speakers who are accomplished, but haven't gotten a "formal" education will often tell you that education doesn't always mean you will be successful, but it's the "ICING ON THE CAKE."

Ok, I don't know what kind of poor, Little House on the Prairie, kid sucking eggs in the barn deprived lifestyle you lived...but I don't know many people who eat unfrosted cake.

What kind of half-baked baker presents you with just cake. Now mind you, sometimes people don't like to frost the bottom of the cake, because well that involves using two plates for the flip and then really who wants to do the dishes. Not me. I tell ya.

You might as well say...

"well that's just water in the shower"

or

"that just bread on a sandwich"

Next time someone says that just throw a pie in their face.

Graduation Cliche: Day 2

2010-05-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we've been told that it's ok to not know what we're doing next. Don't worry about the future, it will happen.

As a parent, if you hear that, immediately call a locksmith and change the locks cause that means your slacker ass unplanning child is coming home to live with you!

Now listen up kiddies, there's a big difference between making plans that don't come to fruition. Things happen, things fall apart. But if your grasshopper ass thinks you can sit around all winter chillin' while the ant is hard working...you got some serious couch surfing coming to you.

Get a plan...and going to grad school to you figure it out isn't a plan. You money waster. :)

Graduation Speech Cliches

2010-05-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

With Commencement coming across the country, I think it's time to discuss some graduation speech cliches:

Reach for the moon! For even if you miss, you'll be among the stars.

Awwwwww. That's really great, right? NO.

The distance between the Earth and the Moon is 238,857miles

The distance between the Earth and the Sun is 91 million miles

The distance between the Earth and the nearest star 4.3 light years from the sun.

So technically, if you miss the moon, you'll be among the empty void of space. Maybe if you're lucky you'll be caught between the moon and New York City (I know it's crazy, but it's true).

Anyone who uses this cliche should have their diploma revoked and should be pummeled by physics grads.

Future Children Names

2010-04-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

As I am still holding on to my tax anger, I am seething at all the child credits hanging around so I've decided (as many do around this time) that it's time to have me a tax baby. And the most important thing about that is having a good name.

Here are some of my thoughts.

Taxmillion (nickname Tax)

Wrightof (nickname Wright)

Dee Duction (nickname Dee Dee)

Credita (nickname Dita)

Insult to Injury

2010-04-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

So not only is my salary reduced due to furloughs, but I also owe the state money? How exactly does that happen? That is some nasty, high-fiber eating, big hot steaming smelly pile of flower fertilizing BULL SHIT.

So since the furlough, I've had to go into loan modification which reduced my mortgage payments which was the major reason I normally get refunds and now...I gots nothing. ooooh I am mad.

I really need to get a kid. I could have seriously used that tax credit. Grrrr.

Another reason to avoid public transit

2010-04-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

This morning I was getting dressed and there was a segment on The Today Show about a guy who got hit by a car and then rolled under a bus. This...I had to see. (and by the way...typing "Man hit by car" on youtube gets you a lot of videos)

As Ann Curry was doing her introduction, she mentioned that he was joined by his lawyer. Ummm...let's watch the video.

So apparently he's suing because the bus let him out near construction and he had no choice but to walk across behind the bus. He reached a settlement with the driver of the car. Now they are working with the bus company.

Um now I feel bad that he got hit by a car cause that looks like it hurt. But really? You don't get to sue. I should sue you.

Althought they showed that video like a million times and it hurts everytime. What are your thoughts?

Flippin Out

2010-04-05T12:22:00.001-07:00

I almost died today. I'm in San Diego for work. As I was entering the freeway, I noticed the car in front of me completely stopped suddenly. Before I hit her, I could hear the voice of Mr. Dalton in my head "Government is of the people, by the people and for the people." Ok, Mr. Dalton was my Government teacher, but he also a Driver Ed instructor and he always said "Leave yourself an out" So my out happened to be big ass hill on the side of the freeway. Mustering minivan maneuvers not seen since Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs Smith", I masterfully avoided hitting the car in front of me and having to get the stink eye back on campus for wrecking a university vehicle. Whew.

There before us was an SUV totally on its side. My first thought was "How the hell do you flip your SUV?" I was going to get out of the car to help. Bonnie Tyler sang out to me "I need a Hero" but then I saw fluids leaking from the car and I said, Mmm no. I've seen CHiPs. I know what happens next. I was calling 911 when a tow truck driver sped up from the freeway to help. Thankfully, my soundtrack changed to Tina Turner's announcement that "We don't need another hero." I did however get out to help the tow truck driver pull the lady out of the car. And by help, I mean I held the door -- because that car was real unsteady and the last thing I need is for my mother to get a call from the CHP saying that her son was dead because a car fell on top of him. First rule of being a hero is knowing your limits and doing what you can to help without putting yourself at harm. I think that's a rule, or perhaps I saw it on the end of an episode of GI Joe.

Once freed from the car, the driver was hysterical. I had at this point created a barrier to protect me from what I knew would soon be an exploding car. Tow Truck Hero however, kept going back and forth to the car to grab various things. First he offered the driver his phone for her to call someone, but she didn't know any numbers (and really who does these days thanks to cell phone address books). So he went in to get the phone. Apparently it wasn't the right one so he had to go in again to get a second one.

A crowd had gathered and one of the lookieloos tried to comfort the driver. Mama Lookieloo asked if anyone had a valium to help calm the driver. First of all, that's illegal. Mind you, just because we're in California doesn't mean that everyone is carrying Valium. And I don't know if it's that fast acting--but I digress.

Eventually the police came and the fire department. So here are some tips for handling yourself when flipping a car.

Get a sunroof - cause trying to climb out the passenger door when gravity is working against you is freakin' hard.
I am now a HUGE advocate for that window breaking/seat belt cutting device now.
Always wear one cause I"m pretty sure she would have bounced around that thing without it.
No talking on the cell phone (damn you Oprah pledge), but if I had been on the phone I totally would have destroyed the car in front of me.

The driver told us that the car wasn't hers and she was just coming from doing something for a new job. Now she won't be able to get to work. Somehow, they'll find a way to blame Obama.

The Best Part of Waking Up is Patriacrchy in your Cup

2010-04-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

There is just the most adorable commercial ever where a young woman comes down for breakfast. Pops is sitting in the kitchen with a nice steaming cup of coffee. He comments on how late his daughter came home last night and she responds that he won't have to worry much longer and shows off the rock. He slyly smiles and responds he's a lucky man and I told him that last week when he asked me. And then they all drank coffee. YAY! WHOPEE!

I HATE THIS COMMERCIAL...ABSOLUTELY!

Now I know there are many people who feel that it is important to have the blessing of Father before one gets married. And this might be a symbolic gesture, but what happens when the Dad says "Hell no!" You're still gonna get married anyway, so let's end the charade.

Mind you it also bugs me that the subtle hint in the commercial is that responsibility for Folgina (the young lady getting married) is now being passed from her father to her husband. Grrrrr. She can take care of herself people. I literally set my bra on fire EVERYTIME I see this commercial.

What you didn't see is after the Folger's singer stopped singing, her Dad took away her right to choose and then made her go make him breakfast and paid her .30 less than her brother at their family business.

Things I Shouldn't Buy or Reorder

2010-02-22T00:46:00.000-08:00

My next business venture will be a website called "Things You Shouldn't Buy...Again" This is for those of us who make repeat purchases of things that are bad.

For me it's things like Foster Farms pre-seasoned chicken breast. Every time I eat them I realize how gross I find them and vow to never buy them again -- until I forget the next time I'm at the supermarket. You can't get passed the awful taste. Even when you smother it in BBQ sauce.

The other thing is Chicken and Waffles at any place that isn't Roscoe's. No one beats Roscoe's (although Gladys Knight and Bebe Winans have a place in the ATL that comes close, but it's still no Roscoe's).

There's also a whole list of things I hate at Cheesecake Factory and PF Chang's, yet I always forget and order then again.

Really there needs to be an app for that.

Percy Jackson

2010-02-20T17:32:00.001-08:00

I went to see Percy Jackson and the the Olympians: The Lightening Thief today. I give it a solid B+ (likable characters, decent plot, good adventure, great casting).

Here's my only issue. Percy is the son of Poseidon, Brother of Zeus. Athena is the daughter of Zeus. Athena's Daughter is Anna Beth.

Percy and Anna Beth have this little weird romantic thing going on. And unless, I'm off...Percy and Anna Beth are cousins. Now, last time I checked, it was Percy Jackson and the Olympians, not Percy Jackson and the Ozarks. No cousin lovin' dude! Ewwwwww.

The other thing that bothered me were with all this talk of half Gods, there are Satyrs and Centaurs. Half-Man...Half-Animal. Um, yeah. I don't want to even TOUCH upon how they were created.

Pay the Lady!

2010-02-18T08:24:00.000-08:00

I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but I'm going to do it again. Why doesn't the First Lady get paid? She has a job. She does work. But she doesn't get paid. And that Ladies and Gentleman...is bull shit. First it's sexists that since she's married to the President, she should want to do this for free as a service to her country.

How about no? And why is it only the wives of President's who get screwed (this happens at University's too). But at least at University -- they can sometimes find a job for the Mrs (and now thankfully for the Mr.), but that sometimes comes with controversy.

We have always had amazing First Ladies (Martha Washington, Dolly Madison, Elenor Roosevelt, Hillary Clinton) but yet...they don't get no scratch. PAY THE LADY!

Great Mysteries of Life

2010-02-16T22:58:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I can never finish a bag of Tostitos or the jar of salsa at the same time? Inevitably one will always finish first, thus causing the chain reaction of having to buy the other to finish the first. It's a vicious circle of consummation.

Although I do think that whoever invented salsa should have a holiday. An a national one at that, schools and banks will be closed. Stores would have Salsa Day. I think supermarkets need a big holiday outside of Thanksgiving. I think salsa day should be in April since we currently don't have a national holiday and it throws off my consecutive months of celebration grove (it starts with Thanksgiving, Christmas, MLK, President's Day, Cesar Chavez Day (yay California) and then I gets nothing in April. Memorial Day in May, My Birthday in June (it's a holiday y'all), Independence Day, (suck it August), Labor Day, (suck it October), and then back to the fun.

So if we make Salsa Day in April I'll be good. August can have a day called "Why's it So Hot Day" where people go outside and complain about the weather. I'd like to make Columbus Day into "National You Can't Discover a County That Has Inhabitants, Enslave them, Steal their land and Call it your own Day". That way we'd at least get one day off each month.

That will be my campaign when I run for office. Khalfani 2016 (cause Obama gets 2 terms bitches)

Stupid Is as Stupid Kid

2010-02-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

When I was little I used to read the Marvel Universe -- an encyclopedia of all the heroes and villains in the world of Marvel Comics. It told you things such as Secret Identity, Powers, Headquarters.

Some people had a Headquarters, like the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. Other had a headquarters listed as Mobile. I often wondered why so many people, like the Hulk for example, would want to have their headquarters in Alabama...Mobile, Alabama.

I was a stupid kid.

Taxing and Vexing

2010-02-15T00:47:00.000-08:00

In case you're wondering...I'm still mad about the taxes on my ticket. I'm going to a wedding which is great. YAY, but as I was watching an episode of The Joy Behar Show and they were talking about Prison Wives. Um what? Prison Wives...so let me get this right. Someone who was found guilty of a crime heinous enough to be committed to prison has the RIGHT to get married, but me --who is so crime free that I can say with pride "I never broke the law. I AM THE LAW*-- cannot. THIS...IS AN OUTRAGE!

Like really people? I'm not saying people in Prison shouldn't be able to get married, but they can and I can't. WTF. Maybe I'll go find me a girl in prison and marry her just cause I can.

Tax Included

2010-02-13T11:35:00.001-08:00

Moving forward, I think businesses should include the tax up front. I'm going to the Dominican Republic for a wedding in May. I was getting my ticket on American and I was ALL excited. One leg was only $16o. Not bad from LAX. Then the return trip was $168. I was geeked. I'm going to DR for $328. Woo woo. And then it totaled and the price went to $525. WTF

That's almost a whole other leg of the damn trip. Did I somehow switch from coach to business? Am I getting free movies? Something. This is SO not cool.

On top of this, they might try and charge me for my freakin' bags. With prices like this I might as well get a damn private jet. Grrrrr.

On a positive note, I should have enough miles for a nice trip somewhere by time I get back.

Olympics

2010-02-12T22:23:00.001-08:00

I'm watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony. I'm putting it out there now that I want to go to RIO 2016. Although I have resolved to never live in a place that can host a winter olympics.

The best game to play over this period is "OMG! I didn't know X was Canadian" It's fun and it always shocks you.
For example, Donald Sutherland. WHAT! Who knew! Sarah McLaughlin.

They've had a few singers out, none of whom have been the Queen of Canada, Celine Dion. Although it's never inappropriate to bring out Beyonce.

Loved the Opening Ceremonies...bring on the Emmy.

And on a side note, if you only have one athlete, can you really call it a team. Because in that case there is an I in team and someone owes me an apology.

Identity Thiefs ruin EVERYTHING

2010-02-10T21:25:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I had the funniest blog ever today about something that a certain store does that drives me CRAZY. But then as I was writing it, I realized that I might be giving out too much information on the internets and some crook would steal my identity.

Although I hope they do. And when they apply for credit and get embarrassed when they get denied. Suck it identity thiefs.

Super Bore

2010-02-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not watching the Super Bowl. Especially not for the commercials. Back in the olden days before the internets, you had no choice, but I can wait until tomorrow and AOL will show me the best and the worst.

I'm also not watching the Half-time show. Because I don't know who is playing? (this would make for a hilarious bit if I (1) had a comedy partner and (2) this wasn't in writing...but just image. The Who. The What? No, The Who. That's what I'm asking you!!!!

That being said (and not having a horse in this race). I'm rooting for the Saints.

New belt hole

2010-02-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

I was NOT enjoying this whole watching what I eat thing and sort of had a breakdown last night and went a little batshit crazy on a bag of tostidos and salsa. I don't know what it is, but warm salsa is like crack to me. So half a bag and 12 ounzes of salsa later...i was ready to say oh well. But then today I put on my belt and I was able to make it to the second hole. I cried a little. Now I'm back on the plan. Bye bye fat ass.

2010-02-03T03:32:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor today to get a check-up. Well actually I needed a referral to the dermatologist and thanks to my HMO I have to go see the doctor to tell me that I need to go to the derm. Mind you my scalp is super itchy and dry and I know from watching Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and ER that I need to go to see a dermatologist, but apparently one must go see someone who went to real medical school to tell me that.

Well the Doc whipped out the BMI chart and informed me that (1) I was massive and (2) that exercise won't do and I just have to watch what I eat.

But the BMI chart is crazy. At 6', I should be 184 lbs. Mind you I haven't been 184 lbs since Jr. High (and even then I might have had a little gut). Well 184 isn't going to happen, but I'm aiming for 200 or maybe 199. But I'm hungry. I'm really hungry. All I want to do is eat. I want food. :(

We will see how long this watching what I eat thing last.

Group Meals

2010-01-18T02:47:00.000-08:00

My roommate's birthday party was the other day and we all went to the Yard House. And by we all...that's like 19 people. So I now present Kafele's Rules for big group meals...

(1) If you want to get your food...don't sit with the big group. Get a table adjacent. Why? Because most restaurant won't seat you until most of the party is there and you know your friends are going to be late. And then you'll be hungry.

(2) Don't invite your broke ass friend who can't count and won't pay their portion of the bill. It's bad enough that your receipt won't be broken up by seat (despite the fact that the whole order is put in the computer). Someone will inevitably "forget" to pay for their food and then it's up to the people who are left behind. Mind you that these people alway EAT but somehow forget to pay. Maybe they thought they were at their mama's house, but I doubt that there mother has a 10,000 square foot dining room with a full service bar and flat screen tvs, but I could be wrong.

(3) Bring cash.
You know you're going to dinner. You know there are going to be other people there. Take your monkey ass to the ATM and get some money. And dammit don't bring all twenties! You know you're going to need a 10, a five and five singles. And if you say "I didn't have time to go to the ATM, well then you're going to have to pay for everyone!

(4) Appetizers for the table
It never fails...everytime we order appetizers for the table someone has to order something nasty from the sea. Calamari, Lobster Dip, Shrimp Cocktail. On behalf of my kosher friends and those who are allergic. Stop ordering calamari. That shit is nasty. And Lobster is murder. Poor lobsters.

(5) Drunk people are never happy with their drinks
It never fails. The bartender is a scrooge who is trying to stick you for your paper. Listen here Lushy! We've only been here for 90 minutes and you're on your fourth drink. Have you ever heard of 0-1-3? That's 0 drinks if you're under 21, 1 drink per hour and no more than three drink per night. And that's being liberal. Is the party that bad that you need more than three drinks. And if you don't like the way it's mixed, I suggest you go back there and make it yourself Isaac.

That being said, the Ahi Crunchy Salad is the BOMB!

Adapting to Adaptation

2010-01-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

I have come to a conclusion that moving forward, I will only watch movies made from bad books. As movies made from good books suck. I will use two examples: "Twilight" and "Angels and Demons"

In books, the author has time to delve into the background, history and thoughts of the characters. This is great when you have characters of depth (i.e. Robert Langdon in A&D), not so good when it's a whiny, moody teenage girl (i.e. Bella in Twilight).

It took me like a month to read Twlight and I couldn't even finish New Moon. LOVED THE MOVIES. Read Angels and Demons in a day. HATED THE MOVIE.

Susan Boyle me in oil

2009-12-28T23:12:00.000-08:00

So during a big CD buying spree a few weeks ago, I picked up the new albums for RiRi, Glambert, GaGa, Glee and SuBo. Well let's say I've enjoyed 4 out of 5.

I thought I would like Susan Boyle. I love Adult Contemporary. I like Celine, Bette and those types of singers. Judging from SuBo's performance on Britain's got talent, it should have been amazing. Well lemme tell ya...her album SUCKS. It is awful. And mind you...I have every Britney Spears album. I think I would have rather have heard Britney warble through Wild Horses.

I longed to hear Madonna actually do "You'll See". And really...you can't do a better version of a Monkees song than the Monkees? And people said they monkey'd around!

Dick Cheney wouldn't let terror suspects listen to it. It's that inhumane. It violated every one of the Geneva Conventions.

Marlee Maitlin would yell at you to turn that shit off.

Due to recent activities it has been banned from all US flights.

It's awful and she must be stopped.

Kafele on Kwanzaa

2009-12-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

So every year around Christmas time, people love to say to me..."Happy Kwanzaa!" Which I find racists. First of all that they assume that I celebrate Kwanzaa. Why? Because I'm African American? Because I have an African name? Because my parents were learning about their culture around the time that Kwanzaa was started? Ok, fine so I kinda celebrate Kwanzaa. But you should have asked first...racists. (JK).

So I have somewhat celebrated Kwanzaa, but I'm not gonna lie, I really didn't pay too much attention after I found out that I really wasn't getting an additional seven presents (I think I was 10 at this point so keep it relevant). But for your reading pleasure, here's my tribute to Kwanzaa.

Starting on the 26th, we celebrate seven principles.

Umoja (Unity)
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)
Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility)
Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics)
Nia (Purpose)
Kuumba (Creativity)
Imani (Faith)

Today is Umoja which celebrates unity in family, friends and the community.

So to commemorate, I'm off to spend the day with my brother and cousin as we fend off the after Christmas crowds at the mall!

Gap Analysis

2009-12-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

Started in 1969 (tee hee) in San Francisco (double tee hee), the Gap is one of the largest retailers in the world. With over 3,400 stores worldwide, the GAP brand includes Banana Republic, Old Navy and two others stores I don't care to shop at.

Gap focuses on serving the full family including Gap, Baby Gap and Take a Nap Gap (for the elderly). The gap has a lot of khaki and when they decide to make commercials, they are normally pretty good. Recently they were accused of hating on Christmas and being witch-loving pagans for mentioning solstice in their recent add. The right calls it hatred, we call it being inclusive. But, I guess I'm a witch-loving pagan too.

And now I'm off to do my real gap analysis for class. Sigh.

Life Lesson

2009-12-07T23:46:00.000-08:00

One of these days I'm going to realize that if I actually DID whatever it was I DIDN'T want to do when I was SUPPOSED to do it, I'd be done with it by NOW.

For example, I could make that sentence more clear, but that would require me to actually edit and I don't like editing. No...no I don't.

Why I Should Be Invited to Your Wedding

2009-11-24T18:30:00.000-08:00

Once (or twice) in everyone's life, they must make the decision as to who gets invited to their wedding. I know this is a difficult decision as I have my invitation list ready to go at a moments notice despite not having anyone to marry (or the right...but that is neither here nor there).

But in cases where you have to decide on whether or not to invite me to your wedding, here are some reasons why:

(1) I am fun at weddings. I dance, I sing. People Love me.
(2) Your mom loves me and she wants me at the wedding. I will also dance with your aunt that nobody else wants to dance with.
(3) White people love me and I add ethnic diversity.
(4) Straight people love me and I add sexual orientation diversity (and if need be I am not afraid to add gender identity diversity...but you have to buy my shoes.)
(5) When I remember, I get really good presents -- unless you harass me before the wedding and I will buy you one glass out of a set of 12 (tee hee).
(6) You can sit me at the table of random folk and we'll all be facebook friends by the end of the night.
(7) If you have a wedding far away, I'm good for the room block. Seriously...I will go anywhere for a wedding.
(8) Who wants to take home extra cake, I will eat it...all of it.
(9) I can get you a discount at a Marriott for your honeymoon.
(10) I can't get married and I live vicariously through other people's nuptials.

SeaFattle

2009-11-20T01:02:00.000-08:00

I'm in Seattle and eventhough I'm on furlough (vacation), I said I was going to try to go to the gym. It's across the street...AND it's the one I actually belong too (but I could go for free since I'm a guest of the hotel). But it's cold and rainly and I don't want to walk across the street. But I'm going to because I'm a twinkie away from having to pay for two seats on Southwest.

Today is Day 2 at the gym.

Back to the Grind

2009-11-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

Why is going to the gym such a pain. I need a man bag just to carry my keys, the phone, the ID, the gym membership, water, an ipod and a towel. It's just easier to stay fat.

Today is Day 1 of the gym.

It's time to birth this baby

2009-11-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I was admiring myself if my newly cleaned mirror and sadly realized that I could replicate this photo...including the boob shot.

It's time to go back to the gym.

Hybrid or Diebrid

2009-11-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

Did you know that the Prius hates blind people? For years, this rolling menace has been trying to save the environment while slowly trying to take out members of the visually impaired community.

It is fitting to note that blind folk hate the Prius as well. And it's not only because they are ugly, but because the engine is really quiet so when the driver isn't paying attention (mainly because they have their noses raised in in the air thinking -- oh look at all the money I'm saving on gas. I'm such a good person.) WHich is swiftly followed by THUD THUD ARF SPLASH(that's the sound you hear when you run over a blind person and their guide dog followed by a splash of red paint from PETA for hurting an animal.)

So effective immediately all Priui will be equipped with a sound device that will play the Imperial Theme from Empire Strikes Back

$429 for Fireworks and Turkey legs

2009-10-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have a cash problem. If i have it and i will spend it. And even if I don't I will spend it. Yesterday, I got an annual pass to Disneyland. And here's why...

First, it costs $72 to get into the park. And my first response to that is...are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?!?!?! That is insanity. But I paid it. But I wasn't going to take it lightly.

Now as a SoCal resident, I am eligible for some deals. And with my $72 already used as a down payment, I could use that towards another annual pass.

Well some passes come with blackout dates (which I find racist). And they also exclude Saturdays -- which is just wrong. Like I wanna be rolling through Disneyland on a Thursday. Um...I have a job...for now.

So the only really logical thing was to get the Premium pass that includes parking, access to both parks (as I've never been to California adventure) and 15% off food. YAY.

But now I have to find a reason to go to Disneyland once a month (mind you I haven't been there since the Pirates of the Caribbean III). And that will probably be to see Fantasmic and to enjoy a turkey leg. Who wants to come with me.

Medium

2009-10-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've ever admitted it..I'm up totally hooked on "Medium" so y'all are gonna have to suck it up while I post some of my thoughts on the show...

Why does Joe (Allison's husband) bother to answer the phone when it rings while they are sleeping? It's not for him. It's never for him. Just hand the phone to Allison.

Medium airs Fridays at 9 on CBS (why...because NBC is run by doodoo heads who let it go).

Procrastination

2009-10-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

If procrastination were a company, I would be the CEO. I don't know what it is about DOING something that I just don't want to do it. Here are the top 10 things I'm supposed to be doing and I'm not:

1. Cleaning my office.
I swear it looks like someone's public storage locker exploded.

2. Washing the laundry machine
I have just taken to washing below the dirt line. It's sad, but true.

3. Reading for class
Why read when you spend the first 20 minutes of class rehashing what we should have read.

4. Cleaning my room
I like bunnies...dust bunnies.

5. Getting my car door fixed
It's half financial, but I also don't want to deal with getting a rental car while they are fixing my car.

6. Coming up with a comprehensive healthcare plan
If Congress doesn't want to do it, why should I?

7. Watching half the crap on my DVR
I will watch the final episode of "Friends" when I get around to it. It hasn't been off the air that long.

8. Going to the gym
I will get sweaty and have to do more laundry. See # 2.

9. Mailing Dennis his housewarming CD.
It's been a long time since he moved in. I'll just wait until he moves to a new place. And he hasn't sent me my birthday shirt yet so I'm calling it even.

10. Updating my blog
Oh..yeah..that thing. I'm really gonna get on it. Really. I am!

Washing the washing machine

2009-10-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

Did I somehow miss the fact that apparently people have to actually wash the washing machine? That makes me kinda sad. But I guess since they have self cleaning ovens, I thought the washing machine would sort of clean itself. It doesn't. Boo.

Woman Beaten for Karaoke Performance (from AOL News)

2009-09-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

(Sept. 25) -a 25-year-old woman's karaoke performance Wednesday at Bobby Valentine's Sports Gallery and Cafe in Stamford, Conn., was not met with a kind reception. Instead, she was physically assaulted by audience members.

http://news.aol.com/article/connecticut-woman-beaten-for-bad-karaoke/687810

Apparently she shouldn't have chosen, "Hit me with your best shot" Pat Benatar could not be reached for comment.

Other possible tunes she was singing:

Beat It
Hit me Baby, One More Time

2009-09-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but really...who wants Latisse? Are your short eyelashes bothering you that much that you need to take a prescription drug that makes your eye lashes grow bigger and thicker? I could save you the money and get you some falsies.

The original use was to prevent the progression of glaucoma. Unfortunately, people couldn't see but kept getting compliments for their fabulous eyelashes.

If you're a doctor and you prescribe it, I'm sorry you should have your license revoked. Quack.

Although a possible side effect is possible hair growth in other areas. Which I think is hilarious.

Suggestions

2009-09-19T21:42:00.001-07:00

Today I was looking at my youtube page and under recommendations there was a video of a baby versus a cobra. Um, what the hell have I been watching that would bring about a snake/baby fight? I like babies and hate snakes. So clearly I was rooting for the baby, but I couldn't bring myself to watching the video.

In it to Win It

2009-08-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

I played the MegaMillions last night valued at $330 million. I didn't win. Although I have decided that if I ever win, I won't have a press conference but a full on production number instead.

Drive Thru Drive Bye!

2009-08-29T04:34:00.001-07:00

I've noticed a phenomenon lately as I spend more time at the Drive thru of various fast food restaurants. They hand me my food before my credit card has been approved.

And there is the slightly ghetto part of me that says...um if it doesn't go through...you're not getting this food back. Possession is 9/10ths of the law and I posses the food. All you have is my non-working credit card. Whatchu gonna do with that? Track me down? Have at it. If I haven't paid my credit card bill, what makes you think I paid my mortgage? I don't live there no more.

Y'all fools better be careful. We're in a recession.

Oh the Power of Chlorine

2009-08-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

I got to work at the hotel tonight (where I have been working waaaaay much more than I should) to find out that the pool was closed. Why? because someone pooped in the pool.

When I asked, I was told they think a baby did it. Now I've heard the expression of dropping the kids off at the pool to describe # 2, but I didn't really think anyone would actually drop A kid off at the pool to drop THE kids off at the pool. This is an outrage.

Also, if someone was holding the baby, then they should have noticed the log coming out. And at what point did they take the kid and run out of the pool screaming that the big brown shark was coming to get them.

This is the life I live...

My Maine Man

2009-08-20T22:44:00.001-07:00

Yay, but I'm still not moving to Maine.

Good thing she is a millionaire.

2009-08-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie, this question freaked me out. I SO have math anxiety and swore it was a trick question. I did eventually get it. Although I love how the audience cheated. LOL.

New Law

2009-08-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

I just received an email from the NY Civil Liberties Union that wants to repeal a law that allows the shackling of pregnant prisoners during and after delivery. I applaud this action, but I want to go a step further. I think if a woman could make a run for it after delivery and she gets away, she should get her freedom.

Kafele for Governor

Hospitality...Sweet

2009-08-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I'm not cut out for work in hospitality. It's been a great 2 hours at the hotel so far. Tonight I have had the following adventures:

First, we went to deliver towels and found a portable stripper pole assembled in the living room. Earlier, attempts to deliver the towels were thwarted because there was loud music playing and they couldn't hear the knock. Song that was playing...Love Shack.

Then someone called and was mad that their AC wasn't working and it would be the third move of the night. So I spent 30 minutes, trying to find them a room that wasn't near an elevator or stairs that also had a working AC. Fun.

Another guest called down and asked me "Why is someone playing basketball" at midnight. But he said it in a way that implied that we were running an all night youth basketball camp. I kindly told him that they'd be done soon as we were starting pool activities at 1 am.

Then someone came and said My key doesn't work for my room. I sadly had to let him know that it wasn't a key to this hotel.

This is fun. I love my job. I love my discount. Don't forget to tip the housekeeper daily.

Throwing out the baby...keepin the bath water

2009-07-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

I saw this on the news today. After my initial (and continued) horror, Fele has questions:

(1) What thread count of sheet do you need to make sure the baby doesn't go through?

(2) Do the people in the town think parents who DON'T let their children participate in this activity are crazy?

(3) Has a baby ever bounced back so high that they land back on the roof?

(4) Has someone ever taken someone else's kid? Like they bounce into someone else's hands and then they make a run for it?

Tourist Trap

2009-07-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

http://perezhilton.com/2009-07-28-trouble-in-paradise-for-scarlett-and-ryan

Maybe that's why the Van Driver didn't mention Ryan.

The Estate

2009-07-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

CNN reports..."The administrators of Michael Jackson's estate have filed court papers disclosing they've recovered $5.5 million in cash from one of Jackson's "former financial advisers."

Damn! Apparently that Suze Orman "Save your Self Account" really works.

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=233232555136&h=eOdK_&u=pkKjh&ref=nf

2009-07-24T13:17:00.001-07:00

I crack up everytime I read this:

Crowley's report said that when he asked to speak with Gates outside, the professor at one point responded, "I'll speak with your mama outside."

Courtesy of http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/24/officer.gates.arrest/index.html

That's funny. I don't care where you're from.

No RA on Duty, huh

2009-07-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

I've been watching the unfurling of what I'm calling "The Professor, The Police, The President: The Penis."

I will now present...why had any of these three men been an RA (or possibly called one in) how this would never have happened.

1. The neighbor would have known who Henry Louis Gates was because RAs hold social programs so you can get to know who your neighbors are.

2. The RA would have called someone from maintenance to help them open a jammed door.

3. Upon arriving at the door, the RA would have stayed outside the whole time and did their business from the porch.

4. The RA would have told the resident why they were there. And let them know that their personal safety was at risk possibly.

5. The RA knows not to automatically assume that someone is a racist. The RA also knows not get hurt when someone calls them a racist because WE'RE ALL RACIST. It's just knowing that racism exist and actively working against those feelings and bias.

6. The RA wouldn't talk to the media.

7. If RA did talk to media, they would be wary to remember that in dealing with people it's about the behavior and not the person. And it's better to say someone acted in a manner that warrants some evaluation versus "acting stupidly".

8. At some point when someone makes a mistake they just say "My Bad"

9. Not every situation results in a documentation (or arrest), sometimes you can just talk it out and use it as a teachable moment. Have a conversation.

10. When all else fails, put yourself in the other person's shoes and see how you would react in their situation and also understand what baggage they are bringing into the situation.

When it's all said and done, I wonder what a wise Latina would do in this situation.

Alternate Careers

2009-07-16T22:39:00.001-07:00

A secret that I've kept (ok, not that much of a secret), I really wanted to become a cruise director when I left advertising. I think I would have been AMAZING. But probably because I wanted to be Julie McCoy from "The Love Boat" I think if it wasn't that I wanted to be Connie Selleca from "Hotel"

So I think I will achieve this goal by someday going on Semester-at-Sea. It should be fun! Woo. Who wants to go? Fall 2012.

I also wanted to be a truck driver so I could travel around with my chimp and solve crimes. I think I might have watched too much TV as a child.

In the Courts

2009-07-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the defendant won. I didn't think he had a leg to stand on.

COLUMBIA, S.C. (July 14) – A South Carolina judge Tuesday revoked the license of a funeral home where a worker cut the legs off a 6-foot-7 body so it would fit in a casket.
Administrative Law Judge Deborah Durden gave her decision immediately after hearing the appeal of Cave Funeral Home and owner Michael Cave.

http://news.aol.com/article/corpses-legs-cut/571659

If you don't do it, then the tourist win!

2009-07-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Fifey was in town and we decided to go on the Homes ofHollywood Stars tour. Worst mistake EVER. First, I thought we'd be on one of those cool double decker buses. No, we were on a convertible van. What you say? I've never seen a convertible van. Yeah we'll it looks as bad as it seems.

The two hour tour was lead by Old Man Witherspoon who came to Hollywood in '03 (and that's 1903). He proceeded to tell us stories of people who we had ever heard of before in life.

Seriously, I don't think Horton heard as many WHOs as we did on this tour.

We went through the Hollywood Hills and saw the homes and by homes I mean large gates, big walls and large trees of the stars. They included Laurence Fishburn (and Gina Torres), Jason Priestly, Nicole Richie. Cute. Then we go to the home of "Dodgeball" and "Brady Bunch Movie" star Christine Taylor. Yay. we all like Christine Taylor. She's great. But she also lives with BEN FREAKIN' STILLER. This happened again when we went to William H. Macy's house. Who what...yeah...married to Emmy Winner and Academy Award nominee Felicity Huffman. Scarlett Johansen has a loverly garage. I think Ryan Reynold's may live in it...but who knows since the driver forgot him...eventhough he was in "The Proposal." Number 1 movie in America when it opened. He was in "Wolverine" as well. And the five cover edition of Entertainment Weekly. But what do I know.

We saw the awning on Kevin's Smith's House, the flag pole where Tom, Katie and Suri live, the under construction house of Charlize Theron (who we though was getting evicted, but it was a work permit.

Then we went to the house where Michael Jackson died, where the driver proceeded to interrogate two guys at the front gate to see which one of them made the phone call. I didn't know it was possible for someone other than my mother to embarrass me that much.

It was a hot mess. HOT MESS. The only houses we really could see where real homes of fictional people including The Governors Mansion from Benson, The house from Nightmare on Elm Street (which is across the street from the House in Halloween.) Oh and he mentioned that Jamie Lee Curtis -- whose dad was Tony Curtis -- but didn't mention her mother Vivian Leigh who may have been in one of the greatest and most memorable movie scenes ever...but WHATEVER.

At one point, we got tired of seeing homes that people we didn't know lived in and not seeing the homes of people we know. Around 7:20...some German tourist in the back staged a revolt after we went by the old Charlie Chaplin studio and eventually we got to go home and cry that we'd lost 2.5 hours of our life.

Although if this housing thing doesn't work out, I could go around and give a great tour.

out of conTEXT

2009-07-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

So my mother is off from school now and she has taken to texting me... here's a convo from the other day...

Mom: MJ memorial was really moving! good ploy 4 crowd control saying he was buried first? where in the world will be MJ's resting place?

Me: They have a place in LA.

Mom: Private? i still say we should start a back to Indiana campaign! (See my mama always trying to start trouble. LOL)

Me: No. no. I like it in LA.

Mom: LOL. u working or they make today MJ Day?

Me: I'm at work in an awful meeting. I'm pondering being unemployed,

Mom: Hope u can have a positive outcome. stay stong. stay black. luv u

My mom is hilarious.

2009-07-01T17:55:00.001-07:00

Exactly how financially fruitful is roadside fruit selling?

Day 2

2009-06-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

Today is day 2 of 28 days to a Habit. My arms hurt, the abs hidden under my layers of fat hurt. My legs hurt. Although I did go to sleep early last night and pretty much slept through the night. Oy. But we'll make it work.

2009-06-29T19:13:00.001-07:00

So Grandma is in cahoots with mom and brother to kill me so they get my insurance.

2009-06-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

I already don't want to go to the gym. Grandma was wrong. She's just mad that I get better food than she does. She wanted to steal my food. That's why she called me fat. You won't get one passed me old woman. I ain't going to the gym. Fat is beautiful.

Fat Fele

2009-06-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

Since Grandma called me fat the other day, I guess it really is time for me to start going to the gym. I originally wanted to lose 35 lbs before I turned 35 and well that ship sailed so I'm changing my goal to "20 plus 10 by 2010"

I shall update you daily with my progress.

Hair Splitting Decisions

2009-06-23T01:45:00.000-07:00

So I have to book my ticket to go home this weekend, but I can't do it until I get in touch with my hairstylist to get my hair done. :( Which will also determine which airport I fly out of. DAMN YOU HAIR!

2009-06-21T21:47:00.001-07:00

Nothing makes me wanna punch a bride in the face more than Bridezilla.

Harry Potter and the Fully Loaded Potato

2009-06-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

So I'm finally off jury duty. I was going to write the case out but its a long one and apparently you can find a summary of the main case online (yay interwebs) so here it goes:

http://www.fearnotlaw.com/articles/article20007.html

Snarky commentary to come.

For when I'm slacking

2009-06-13T21:43:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I like to slack on the blogging so at times I need to send you to some places that I find to be hilarious. This is one of my favorites.

http://www.fmylife.com/

Here are some examples:
Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

PURE COMEDY!

Hammer Time

2009-06-10T19:25:00.001-07:00

Everytime is a good time for Hammer Time!

Don't Tase Me Young Man

2009-06-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

There is a video of a 72 year-old woman getting tased. Review the video...lemme know what you think. This may be disturbing for some of you. For those who aren't disturbed, Satan has reserved a room for you in Hell.

Why couldn't this have been my case. This would have been interesting. Let me know what you think.

Separated at Birth?

2009-06-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Ryan Seacrest Kim Jong Il

Wedding Boycott

2009-06-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

Effective immediately, I will not be going to any more weddings until I get the right to marry.

And I define myself as having the right to get married as it happening in one of my home states which are either: New York or California. I will also accept Michigan.

I will also accept states I would live in: Washington (Seattle), Pennsylvania (Philly), Florida (Miami) and Texas (grandma has land, mom wants to build a trailer park. Kafele glad that he and mother have different last names to hide shame).

Any state that helps make the North east pinker: New Jersey

States that shouldn't be states but also shouldn't be an island: Rhode Island

States where best friends from College and High School Live: Maryland

And while you're at it..write to a New York Senator to tell them to vote for Marriage Equality:

http://www.marriageny.com/cnt/

Brother Khalfani

2009-06-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints used to run a bunch of PSAs. I thought they were nice and very wholesome and I thought I wanted to become a Mormon. What's not to like about biking and wearing white shirts and black pants and backpacks?

Then my grandmother became friends with the Mormon's who would visit. They were nice. Grandma liked the company. I thought, oh Mormon's you are so nice. But by that point I wanted to be Catholic because Mass was only an hour and it came with snacks.

And I know you're like how dare you refer to the body of christ as a snack, well when I was a kid, I went to some church and the host was a ritz cracker and the wine was grape juice. And what kid isn't happy when you get crackers and grape juice. the sacrilegious part came when I thought the body of christ would go great with a nice Camembert.

But here's a nice site that show's that marriage is good from a Mormon perspective. YAY.

http://mormonsformarriage.com/

Call

2009-06-01T21:04:00.001-07:00

Senate Majority Leader, Malcolm Smith, needs to hear from you! Call his office & demand that he bring the marriage equality bill up for vote in the NY Senate in June! No excuses, Malcolm! Queens Office: (718) 528-4290 Albany Office: (518) 455-2701 Manhattan Office: (212) 298-5585. Call now so I can get married in my moms backyard. Oh wait, she'll make me cut the grass. I won't get married there.

More Juris Prudence

2009-06-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I didn't try this. I don't think it would have worked.

Lay off the layoffs

2009-05-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

As I've not been to work in years due to my jury duty, combined with the fact that the UC is in a budget crisis AND the Governor wants to get rid of CalGrants which is one of the largest sources of financial aid for students....I'm kinda scared of losing my job.

So as a means of being proactive, I have taken steps to prevent such a thing from happening.

The first being...if you lay me off. I will make a scene. And it will look something like this. I play the role of Nettie. The role of Celie will be played by Hamez.

Consider yourself warned.

2009-05-28T16:48:00.001-07:00

Just saw a baby on a leash playing with a dog on a leash.

The Jury is still in

2009-05-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

My jury duty continues on. So to amuse you, here is the joy that is Julia Sugarbaker.

Career Opportunities

2009-05-27T22:43:00.001-07:00

I am quite excited that they'll be a Latina and more specifically a Puerto Rican on the Supreme Court. Of all the Ricans, the Puerto are my favorites. Shockingly, they are also my favorite Puertos (suck it Vallarta!).

Although the Sore Losers...I mean Republicans might make it hard, if things don't work out on the Supreme Court, she can run for Bloomberg's job and she would be Mayor Sotomayor. I think I just like saying that.

Or she could marry John Mayer and be Sonia Sotomayor-Mayer. or the Mayor Sotomayor-Mayer.

Lockin' it up!

2009-05-27T15:05:00.001-07:00

My hair is looking rather serpentine today. I feel and look like Medusa. But on a happier note I can kick a Kracken's ass!

Bring it On!

2009-05-26T20:42:00.001-07:00

Aiight we needs some new cheers or perhaps a dance.